MC Hammer follows me on Twitter.

If I wasn’t awesome before, I sure as hell am now.

Is it a bad thing when you see a new website, get excited about it, and attempt to sign up for it, only to discover that you got excited about it months ago and already have an account there?

I think I might be an Internet Skank. Should probably go start a support group or something.

I just finished reading ComicBookResources.com’s ‘Top 25 Comic Book Battles.’ It was an interesting list, with a bunch of battles I fondly remember (’Avengers vs. Ultron‘ being one of my personal favorites) and a few I could do without (’Guy Gardner vs. Batman‘… Am I the only one who hated the ‘Bwa-Ha-Ha’ Justice League?). However, the top choice, ‘Batman vs. Superman’ from The Dark Knight Returns, holds a special place in my heart as “The Stupid Fight That Ruined Everything.”

See, I have no problem with the idea that Batman can beat Superman… but I can only accept that once. Superman, despite how most people write him, isn’t some stupid tool that just flies around and does what anyone with ‘authority’ would tell him; he may not be as smart as Batman, perhaps, but he’s not too far off. Not only that, Superman has proven himself quite a dick in the past, so he could do some underhanded things if need be.

In that spirit, I have compiled the greatest assemblage of shoddily made cartoons to demonstrate how Superman could beat Batman.

Superman Can Beat Batman With A Yacht

Look, Batman is a human, and a pounding with a good, old-fashioned yacht would leave him as nothing more than a pile of Bat-Jelly.

Superman Can Beat Batman With Psychological Warfare

Superman has displayed some weird powers in the past… Super-Hypnotism and Super-Ventriloquy, for example. Why can’t he have Super-God You’re A Lame-O powers? I mean, it’s a power my mom, girlfriend, and just about every other girl I know has, so it couldn’t be that tough for Superman to master.

Superman Can Beat Batman With Heat Vision From Space

Batman has kryptonite, right? Kryptonite can effect Superman when he’s near by. So what’s the Last Son of Krypton to do?

HEAT VISION FROM FREAKIN’ SPACE. Done and done.

Superman Can Beat Batman With Irony

In The Dark Knight Returns, Batman has Green Arrow shoot a kryptonite arrow at Superman to distract him before Batman kicks Superman’s ass. Let’s say Superman isn’t a moron and uses X-Ray vision to scan the scene before he goes to meet Batman… He’d see Green Arrow. He could disarm Green Arrow (heat vision from space, maybe?), snag the Robin Hood wannabe, and then throw him at Batman, creating a distraction of his own.

Superman Can Beat Batman With A Super-Speed TEMPLE OF DOOM Heart Rip-Out

Superman can run in, rip out Batman’s heart, and run back, all before Batman knows what’s going on. Seems fairly easy to me.

Last and most certainly least…

Superman Can Beat Batman With A Loogie To The Junk

It’s a Super-Loogie! Get it?!

Back to me doing the work I need to get done for real people.

This has been the first in a series I call “Jokes That May Get Me In Trouble With Not Only My Girlfriend But Just About Everyone I Work With.” Thank you.

Tons of fun with the schedule for today:

WORK: 7:30-3:30
The real fun comes in when the district manager comes in to do an inspection, most likely around three. I’m not worried, save for the fact that I will be leaving at exactly 3:30. Why? ‘Cause I gotta (wait for it)…

TRAVEL TO NEW JERSEY: 3:30-5:30
I know, I figured I’d be banned from Jersey by now, too, what with all the nasty jokes I make at that poor state’s expense. Why travel to a place I mock so much? To go with the girlfriend to see (you’ll see a lot of these transitions)…

COBRA STARSHIP CONCERT AT STARLAND BALLROOM: 6:30-10:30-ish
I interviewed Alex Suarez from their band today… guy prefers pie to cake (amen!), enjoys Swedish Fish, and sounded like he had the same massive death illness that I suffered from for the past few weeks. The write-up on that, along with a promo bit for their concert in Albany, will be on Brandon’s site within the next few days. Immediately after the show, of course, there’s…

THE RIDE BACK HOME: 10:30-12:00
At least, I hope we get back in time, ’cause poor Jamie will be none too happy if we miss…

TWILIGHT MIDNIGHT SHOWING: 12:01-2:00
Yep, gonna go see the movie based on the book that involved sparkling vampires and whining emo girls. Of course, it looks like there’s a fight scene in the movie, so that might make it all the more interesting… And, failing all else, Scott will be there, so we can make fun of it together while probably driving Jamie and Melissa completely insane.

I will be posting Twitter updates throughout the day, and maybe even using the super-sexy WordPress iPhone App to blog on the road… For now, though, I should probably get something resembling sleep. Wish me luck, I’ll need it!

As mentioned previously, I had to finish Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight before my girlfriend needed it back so she could use it for an assignment in school. I finally got through it, and, as it is the literary sensation sweeping the nation, I figured I’d give some thoughts about it.

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I’ve been reading Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight on and off for the past month or so; it really shouldn’t take me this long to get through the thing, but the first 3/4’s of it is so dry that I couldn’t get into it at all. I also thought I had at least a week to finish this thing, what with the movie of the novel coming out on November 19th, but now my girlfriend, who loaned the thing to me, will be using it in an assignment for one of her classes, so I can only assume she needs it back sooner rather than later.

So, for now, this will be absorbing my life… the parts that aren’t absorbed by work, sleep, and my unhealthy obsession with bacon. Wish me luck… I’ll likely need it.

There’s been a lot of talk about change in the past two years; political change, climate change, change of a dollar… And, after the landmark victory of soon-to-be-President Obama, I decided that it was time for a change for me, too.

So I imported all the old posts I had from eD! The Musical into here, redesigned the site, and made things a bit more swanky. I also decided I really, really wanted to have 80% more blue things in my life, and what better place to start than here, you know?

More posting tomorrow… Sleep for now. Hooray!