Vampires Sparkle In Sunshine: The TWILIGHT Book Review
As mentioned previously, I had to finish Stephenie Meyer's Twilight before my girlfriend needed it back so she could use it for an assignment in school. I finally got through it, and, as it is the literary sensation sweeping the nation, I figured I'd give some thoughts about it.
First off, the first twelve chapters or so are absolute crap. Maybe it's just me, but if I'm reading a book that is freakin' advertised as a vampire love story, I don't wanna waste my time reading chapter upon chapter of the main character, Bella, musing about what could possibly make the Cullen family so strange. I understand that there needs to be buildup, sure, but a third of the book has to go by before I get to see some vampire action? Lame.
Sadly, my second complaint has to do with the vampire action I actually wanted. Part of my issue with most vampire/zombie/monster based entertainment lately is that either the creature is some scientific experiment gone wrong that there may be a cure for (which, mercifully, isn't the case here), or the basic premise is changed to fit whatever conventions the author wants to squeeze the creature into. While I can reluctantly reconcile the idea that vampires feed on animal blood because they want to be able to live side-by-side with humans, I cannot accept changes like 'sunlight is harmless to a vampire.' No, that's not true... I cannot accept changes like 'sunlight is harmless to a vampire, they just have to come out at night because their skin sparkles like glitter in sunshine.'
Let the horror soak in for a minute: I just had to write a sentence that had the words 'vampire,' 'sparkle,' and 'sunshine' in it. Frankly, I'm just glad that Ms. Meyer didn't decide that vampires spend their off-time watching Care Bear marathons after riding unicorns through the gummy-drop forest to pick some cotton candy from the magical Sweet Tooth Tree, although I wouldn't have put it past her.
My final problem with the book is the main character, Bella, is not someone I'd wanna put up with in real life, let alone in a story I'm reading voluntarily. All she does is complain about her life, which (comparably) isn't all that bad, and go on and on about how mysterious Edward is. She's about as interesting as a wet paper towel, and that doesn't make for good times in reading.
That being said, not all is bad with the book. I did find most of chapter thirteen to the end of the book pretty compelling and enjoyable, especially when the second coven of vampires shows up and wants to make an appetizer of Bella, mainly because then the Cullen family has something to do. The biggest problem is that until that point there is no real adversity for any character to go through; Bella is accepted by a large group of friends, her father loves her and, while she's 'lonely,' it's only because she chooses to be, and Edward may have some conflict going on, but he's so out-of-the-picture most of the time that we don't really find out about it until the end of the book.
Overall, the book was a wild roller coaster ride of 'meh,' with a few sparkling vampires of 'alright' thrown in here and there. I'm told that the second book is terrible, but that the third is pretty good, so I'm looking forward to banging through New Moon quickly, hopefully.
I'm also hoping that, if the girlfriend should read this, I'm not single by this point, although I wouldn't necessarily doubt it.
November 27th, 2008 - 11:54
You are such an idiot. Maybe you have to be a little intellectual to understand, but i never expected anyone to be so obtuse. TWILIGHT is a story of love and the entire book is focused around that. The beginning os the book is very eventful, you just have to infer and actually read at a semi-fast rate of speed. i hope that's not your problem, because i wouldn't advise you making judgement on a book you are not fit to read. Plus bella doesn't ramble on for ever about the mysterious Edward, those parts are mixed in throughout the book because she never really fully understands him. And by the way, your girlfriend better have dumped your sorry ass (if you ever had one to begin with)
November 30th, 2008 - 04:53
Let's do this line-by-line, huh?
"You are such an idiot."
Great way to start a debate; insult the other person's intelligence from behind an anonymous internet screen name. I commend you for your bravery, sir and/or madam!
"Maybe you have to be a little intellectual to understand, but I never expected anyone to be so obtuse."
I'd make a joke about me being more oblique than obtuse, but I fear you'd assume I don't know what 'obtuse' means in the context that you're using it… And, let's face it, geometry jokes should only be used when really, really drunk.
"TWILIGHT is a story of love and the entire book is focused around that."
Look, we agree on something. I bet that'll change in the next sentence.
"The beginning of the book is very eventful, you just have to infer and actually read at a semi-fast rate of speed."
Great argument: "Read faster! It'll seem more exciting!" Top notch, kiddo.
Oh, and did you see the movie? 'Cause they cut out a ton of the beginning of the book and added more about the other coven, so clearly I'm not the only one who thought it dragged on needlessly.
"I hope that's not your problem, because I wouldn't advise you making judgment on a book you are not fit to read."
To say that anyone is unfit to read TWILIGHT is like saying an anonymous troll is unfit to comment on anything on the internet, but I won't be that judgmental. (Actually, yes, I will, especially when that troll uses AOL. Seriously? 1993 called, they want their browser back.)
"Plus Bella doesn't ramble on for ever about the mysterious Edward, those parts are mixed in throughout the book because she never fully understands him."
Uh, if it goes on through the entire book, doesn't that really mean it goes on forever? Yes, it does.
"And by the way, your girlfriend better have dumped your sorry ass (if you ever had one to begin with)"
Wait, are you questioning the existence of my girlfriend or my sorry ass? 'Cause I can tell you both are real, and I'm still with 'em, thank-you-very-much.
Look, if the fact that I disagreed with you can cause this much anger to come spewing out for someone you've never met, you might wanna rethink your priorities a bit. Get out for a while… go sparkle in some sunshine or something. You might find yourself a happier person in the end.
Thanks for reading, regardless.
-!
December 29th, 2008 - 04:43
Well, reading this surely made my last sunday night of '08! Happy New Year
December 29th, 2008 - 04:46
While i do think some of the sarcasm in your review was slightly unnecessary. It does bring up some good points. I do think the author did not write Bella's character well and she shouldn't have called the Cullens vampires but instead by another name. I think it would have been better if she mixed Twilight with Midnight Sun then I think some of your complaints would be resolved.
January 22nd, 2009 - 07:38
omg omfg u r so ronnng! twylite rawks!
Honestly, it's a piece of crap made to attract young teenage girls who obviously either need to get "laid" or at least socialize.
The movie didn't seem so bad, it portrayed a annoying Bella who IS more pale then Edward, and a bipolar Edward, who wears a lot of glitter.
March 28th, 2009 - 05:14
I haven't read 'Twilight' nor have I seen the movie. I suppose it's not marketed towards my demographic (30 and above). Yet, it's so ubiquitous, you can hardly walk past a news stand without seeing that pasty, doonesbury-eyed boy on the cover of some magazine. Needless to say, I was curious about the film/book so I Googled it and arrived here (after reading some excerpts of Chapter 1 available on the net). I wish now that I hadn't known what Stephen King had thought of Stephanie Meyer's book as it colored my perception of her writing. Still, I believe that it's possible that 'Twilight' suffers from being marketed to a wider audience than the author actually intended. Because it's so popular, adolescents and adults alike have no do doubt seen this movie/read the book and shed their own opinions–with the former enjoying it as the author intended. 'Sparkle' is hardly a word an adult would use to characterize a vampire if he/she truly wanted an adult audience. That said, will I see this movie? Inevitably; to see a 'sparkling vampire' and decode the wide-spread fascination with this story.
May 7th, 2009 - 18:35
Sparkle…..dumbest crap I have ever heard
June 11th, 2009 - 22:18
Hahaha loved your review. And i agree about the sparkles… Vampires aren't supposed to 'glitter'. Nonsense.
January 5th, 2010 - 21:17
Kristen Stewart is the perfect Bella .. All around the casting was perfect, everyone had so much so much angst that they fit the story perfectly
January 18th, 2010 - 01:30
Twlight is really a great movie and i watched it several times. I love Kristen Stewart and also the rest of the cast of Twilight, they are really superb.
March 4th, 2009 - 17:16
Yep, if she combined the two, the whole thing would be better, to my mind.
April 8th, 2009 - 23:34
You know what the worst part about the movie is? They spent all of their effect budget on the first scene of Edward sparkling… The rest of the effects (of which there aren't many, granted) look like they were rendered on a $349 computer from KMart. It's terrible.