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Pineapple Express is swank. Go see it. Now.
According to GamePolitics.com, you've signed a bill into law that calls for a study to determine the link between violence and video games, requires video game consoles to have mandatory parental locks by 2010 and all games sold at retail to clearly display the rating that it has been granted by the ESRB.
Or, as people who can actually read call it, "crap that has already happened." I mean, I know you're blind and all, but did you really feel the need to prove it by signing something that a quick Google search could have told you was freakin' useless, anyway?
Look, I know you and your government buddies feel the need to "protect the children." It's the freakin' mantra of the country, "think of the children." You know what I say? Protect the children from parents who feel they have no responsibility to ensure their children aren't playing games where you're running over hookers you just slept with to regain health-points so you don't have to pay 'em. Where's the bill requiring that?
Let's face it, you and your political stooges are only going to go after the games that are popular to target; the Grand Theft Autos of the world, maybe a Doom here and there. And I get it, there are people who use those games as an excuse to be idiotic in real life, so of course you gotta look like you're doing something, right?
But think for a second (something I'm not sure any politician stops to do anymore): where does it stop? A plumber claiming they stepped on a turtle because Super Mario does it? People trying to throw balls at buildings, causing vandalism, all because of Brick Breaker? Michael Vick getting off on appeal because he thought dog fighting was okay since you can sick animals on each other while playing Pokemon?
Let's face it, we're building a country that continually pushes the blame for its citizen's actions on someone else, and this law is only going to help with that. And I think you're all a bunch of tools for it.
Over the weekend, The Dark Knight came out. To say it's the greatest movie ever may be an exaggeration...
...but not by much. I may or may not write a review after I see it again, but if you haven't seen it yet, for the love of all things awesome, go. Now. Seriously, call out of work and get it done.
Sometimes, you get people who hate something without ever having seen or heard it. Sometimes, that person will find it acceptable to take that unknowing criticism to the person who's work they hate site-unseen. Sometimes, that person's ire is directed at Lewis Black.
And, sometimes, Lewis Black owns the sucker.
...and we got ourselves a new video clip that can be found by going to Gotham City Pizza and clicking on the jiggling 'ha.' Or, you can just go to the video directly, if you're a massive wiener.
Klingon Hunt: To search out and photograph/videotape people dressed in costume at comic conventions.
Wizard World Philly: A comic convention.
Add the two together, and you have a poorly-constructed sentence explaining what this post is. Check it out after the break.
Running over to the DC NATION panel now... be starting in 10 minutes.
Read On!
Furniss, Zubair, Jenn and I have arrived in Philadelphia on the eve of Wizard World: Philadelphia. Over the next three days, I can promise you panel live-blogs (DCU: FINAL CRISIS at 2:30 and DC NATION at 5:00 tomorrow, DCU: CRISIS NOW at 2:00 on the 31st), video blogs from both the ride up here and from the convention floor, Klingon Hunting and photos from all over the place.
I'm gonna go get my awesome on, but expect full reports tomorrow throughout the day via Twitter and this here site.
Just when you thought Comic-Con was the only place to go Klingon Hunting...
You know, I go on MySpace fairly frequently, and I get a ton of e-mail, and I've noticed one thing: 99% of the worst writing on the internet was created by the late, great George Carlin.
Okay, I know, it wasn't actually written by Carlin. But, if you write some pseudo-philosophical crap, or show some demented "moral outrage" that only people with a level of close-mindedness greater than or equal to most of the pundits on FOX News would find acceptable, five gets you ten that poor George will have his good name slapped on it, you lucky bastards.
I mean, I'm almost certain that half this crap gets forwarded simply because the name "Carlin" is on it. And forwarded messages have a great chance of being forwarded again, which means you get read by even more people. Lather, rinse, repeat! Soon, the whole world knows and talks about your "Bad American" essay, even if they don't have a clue who you are. (And, to the original author of that, kudos to your decision to not wait for someone else to attribute it to Carlin, but to do it yourself in the first paragraph!)
Of course, you gotta think of the other guy; I suppose the guy who made a ton of money on "The Seven Words You Can't Say On Television" wouldn't necessarily enjoy being linked to an essay written on censorship, especially if that essay is pro, not con. No, I think that sort of thing should be attributed to Dennis Miller... seems to be more up his ally.
Man, how I hope to write something so God-awful that it's attributed to Carlin, so it can be passed around in e-mails and MySpace bulletins for all time. Maybe I'll write something like that 'Paradox of Our Time' crap... you know, the one that talks about 'taller buildings but shorter tempers,' as if there's some link between the two, or a predefined standard ratio of buildings to tempers? I could jot down several dozen pages of cliched, barely funny observations ('Why do people order Big Macs, large fries and a Diet Coke?', that sort of thing)! Add a few swears in there, and it's got Carlins' name all over the thing. Sure, it'll have all the quality of a third grade book report, but darn if people won't forward it!
Everyone needs a dream, and I have finally found mine: Anonymous fame through shoddy writing practices and forced $2 philosophy. Life, my friends, is sweet.