Well, that was underwhelming, huh?

Perhaps you didn't see it. If you'd like, check out the entire 90-minute ordeal here. Or you could just take my word for the fact that it was underwhelming and not have to suffer through it.

Read On!

I'm gonna give a full write-up tomorrow on the happenings of Steve "eD! Called Him Mac Daddy Before CNBC Did, So They Suck" Jobs' keynote today, but let me say this about my overall reaction to the thing:

Meh.

Over at Infinite Loop @ Ars Technica, there is a post giving a roundup of the rumors going 'round before Macworld. At the top of the page, there's an image mockup of what the ads for the MacBook Air might look like, which is causing quite the stir with people actually questioning whether or not the image is real.

Well, I'm here to tell you that it clearly is not real. You know how I know? 'Cause I totally scored me a leaked image of the upcoming ultraportable, which you can see right here.

If this site gets shut down by Apple's legal goons, you'll know why. I'm a total rebel.

This Tuesday, at 9:00PST, Steve "Mac Daddy" Jobs will grace the stage at the Moscone West in San Francisco to deliver his keynote address, which will either delight us with new products or disappoint us with the same new products, depending on which list of rumored product you believe.

What? You don't have time to go through the bajillion Apple rumor sites to sort this crap out? You have a "life"?! Well, let me help out there, my friend, as I present...

eD! Thomas' Definitive List Of Crap I Won't Be Able To Afford But Damn If I Don't Want 'Em: Macworld 2008 Edition

RUMOR 1: MacBook Air!
So far, the only banner that we've gotten a glimpse at has been a big one with "There's Something In The Air" written on it. And, the big hullabaloo for the past few months is the rumored coming of an Apple Tablet, or ultraportable 12" MacBook, or something of that ilk. So, if we get a super-thin MacBook, you can count this rumor as a go.

Either that, or the sign is referencing Mac Daddy's intense case of gas. Whatever.

RUMOR 2: iPhone Updates!
New software? More storage? Now with 80% more pretentiousness? Who knows!

RUMOR 3: Airport Express Updates!
No, I don't mean their wireless router... I mean the little iTunes box that would allow for wireless music streaming that no one gives a crap about. That'd be exciting, huh?

RUMOR 4: AppleTV Updates!
More storage, ability to buy content from iTunes right through the box? Or maybe Jobs will wheel out the old one and start begging people to buy it, 'cause it's "purty."

RUMOR 5: Hover Boards
You know, like the ones from Back To The Future 2? I heard it from someone on a message board, so it must be true!

RUMOR 6: Macs That Burn Blu-Ray!
Because they weren't expensive enough!

RUMOR 7: Movie Rentals!
Ah, the iTunes Movie Store: Much like Jersey, you only go there if you absolutely have to.

RUMOR 8: New Apple Displays!
Did you know the current displays have something like a 10 millisecond response time? Most new displays are at 2 milliseconds! So, yeah, a refresh of that nonsense would be in order.

I don't have an ending to this, as I'm sure it'll be updated as the keynote draws closer, so I'm just gonna hit 'publish' and move on with my day.

According to the website for Fortune Magazine, Apple stores generate more revenue per square foot than Tiffany & Co.'s... you know, the place with the freakin' pricey jewelry. In fact, they do about 1.5 times the business of the overpriced bauble retailer per square foot, with Apple coming in at $4500 to Tiffany's $2750.

I mean, I knew I would spend more per square foot in an Apple store than in someplace like Tiffany's, but who knew other people would, too?